Eulogies

I've decided that one of my life's creeds is simply that people ought to compliment each other more. Or at all. Until last night, no one had ever told me that I am FUN to be around. Ever. And this rocked me to the core, later on, when I really had a chance to contemplate the impact this had on me. There is something special in each person. We all know that. But it's easy to forget that YOU are special, in a good way, and that you are LIKEABLE. Why? Well, throughout one's childhood, kids make fun of you, your grades seem to make or break you as a person for 8 hours a day, and if your teachers/parents are anything like mine were, they constantly go looking for any little thing they can find wrong with you too. Life generally sucks for many of us because we got off to a bad start, living in a world where nobody cares about what's RIGHT with you. Granted, some of us just seem to have the goods in life handed to us on a silver platter by God Himself. But most of us aren't so well endowed with good lives from the start, and I'd like to remind any "silver-spooners" here of that fact, and to spend the next paragraph explaining it further.

It doesn't help that you work your butt off throughout your late teens and early 20s, just to be rejected by those of the opposite sex, your potential (or current) employers, and often times even members of your own family... The pain just seems endless as you lose more and more of your self-respect to everyone around you who tend more often to dislike you than to like you for who you really are deep down. It becomes nearly impossible to open up to anyone at all, and if you ever do, one hint of rejection from that person can nearly put you over the edge, which of course, is a TOTALLY unhealthy way to live - yet you are stuck living that way because you honestly don't know anything else. You may be aware that you have some inate value, but what good is it if no one else can see that too? You wonder "Are the good things I think about myself just all in my head? Should I be so conceited as to like anything about myself at all? If no one else sees anything good in me, then why should I really care about myself?" For those of us who are drowning in the sugarless lemonaide we keep trying to make out of the avalanche of lemons we've been endowed with over the years, near suicidal, almost manic-depression, becomes our shadow, best friend, and middle name. It takes YEARS to even begin to work through all the junk we've been put through, and some people really do go a little nuts while trying to work through it all.

No, I don't believe we all ought to force ourselves to tell everyone around us that we love them and why. I've heard of people who do that - to me, because it's forced, it's also F.A.K.E. Big time FAKE. While the sentiments might be real, the fact that they were forced out of a person, rather than coming out genuinely, spontaniousely, on the fly... That fact gives me great cause to struggle with not judging people who force themselves to say nice things to people. The compliment I recieved last night was NOT fake nor was it forced! In fact, it really did take me by surprise. I honestly did NOT see myself as being FUN to be with until, just on the fly like that, I was TOLD that I AM fun to be around! If I had been told this because I was the recipient of some do-gooder who wanted to clear their concience of having not ever complimented me or something, I wouldn't have really taken it to heart. I wouldn't have believed it. But the fact was that this compliment came at a time when I honestly thought that I was someone who nobody really likes having around, mainly because no one HAD ever told me that I'm fun to have around. At least not that I can remember. I apologise here if anyone reading this has ever said that to me and somehow I forgot it. Well, at least last night, it really stuck with me. I GET IT now - I'm FUN to be around!

I want to explain here that I'm not at all saying that none of you have ever been nice to me, or that somehow, you have all been rude or mean or something. In fact, the opposite is true - you HAVE been kind to me, not rude or mean, as so many people in my past have been! Yet what most of you didn't know about me was the the key to lighting up my opinion about myself was just one simple compliment about me as a person, in that I'm actually FUN to be around. I've needed for my whole life to have someone say that to me. Maybe that's weird, but that's me. I needed to know that it's not just all in my head, with me thinking that I'm a fun person to be around.

No, I'm not going to sit here and write up eulogies for all of you, my faithful friends who come and read about my weird life and crazy musings. That wouldn't be sincere, because it's something you may have expected to see in this post. Instead, I have decided that in the future, if I have a compliment for someone, especially if it's about their charictor or how I enjoy them, I'm not going to hold back on it for fear of sounding weird or out of place. I can only hope that this will make a REAL difference in the lives of people around me. We ALL need to be Loved, and TOLD what's RIGHT with us. Until it really sank in this morning that this compliment was GENUINE because it was on the fly, I really DIDN'T know that the core of my being is so highly valued by someone OTHER than God! Of course, God was the real source of that compliment, but the way it was given, I know He wasn't the only one giving it.

Why am I not naming my complimentor? I don't want to set one person up higher than anyone else, excepting to say that I do highly value this person's opinion of me, probably more than most people's, and it's second only to God and perhaps one other person in my life at this time. Also, the point is NOT for everyone reading this to focus on the one who complimented me, but rather, I'd like to keep the focus on what really happened here: a GENUINE compliment that made a REAL difference in who I am and what I think of myself, how I feel about myself, and how I can have a certain real confidence about who I am as the woman that God Made me into! I no longer have to wonder "Am I really acceptable and wanted here, or am I just being humored?"

I now know that anyone who doesn't happen to like me just hasn't gotten to know me very well, which is to their disadvantage, not necessarily to mine. It's not about my value being at stake, because I now KNOW that, on the human level (not just on the Spiritual), I HAVE that value. Yes, I should have known that before, as my complimentor has done SO much for me in the past, cried over me, starved over me, lost sleep over me, and I suspect made a deal or two with God over me (though that's not confirmed). Somehow, until last night though, this really didn't "click" in my brain and heart. It had started to a few times before, but this was somehow different. It was the UNEXPECTEDNESS of this compliment that sealed the deal for me.

What's it like now, knowing that I'm actually WORTH having around??? For 31 years, I didn't really KNOW that, so I'm still adjusting to it. Honestly, I'm so accustomed to the depression that goes along with always wondering if anyone really likes having me around that I think it's going to take some time for this "newfound" human value of mine to really sink in.

So anyway, the whole reason I'm writing this is that I want to encourage you to STOP holding it back if you think something really great about someone. Don't worry about the circumstances (though I wouldn't suggest interupting your boss!), just SAY it! Don't worry about what others will think of you, or even if it might be taken the wrong way (God will give you some tactful way of phrasing it if you ask Him). No, you don't have to go overboard. In fact, I suggest that you don't - at least not if you are complimenting me! The power of a genuine one-liner can NOT be understated, at least in my world.

So, please don't hold back anymore! Just say it, and watch someone's eyes light up and feel their world change for the better. "People need people." Yes, "People need the Lord" too, but that does NOT diminish how we NEED each other, especially when it comes to genuine compliments about each other as people.